The More Things Change, The More Things Stay The Same

Recently, I reconnected with someone from many years ago who was a very significant part of my life.  We reminisced and talked for hours upon hours about the dreams and experiences we had back then.  It was so devastating to lose this person that I moved across the country to run away from the pain and try to live a different life.  I was scared and made decisions based on what other people expected of me, probably missing out on what my life should’ve been.

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Fast forward 24 years and I did the SAME. EXACT. THING…minus the 3000 mile physical journey.  I was anxious and scared and bolted because I could only see what was best for everyone else.  And again, I question whether I will miss out, yet again, on what my life could really be.  I’m left with the knowledge of how I hurt people by giving in to my fears and that is a horrible, gut-wrenching feeling!

I somehow thought I had picked up my anxiety issues through the process of my divorce.  But this recent experience has shown me that I’ve always had it, maybe not to the extreme it has become at times for me now.  I recognize it quicker than before and am learning how to work through each situation that comes my way, hopefully more efficiently than in the past.  I’m trying to embrace these fears, kick them right in the cajones and move in the direction of who I was meant to be.  Easier said than done…

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