Category Archives: Uncategorized

Judge Kent Engle ignores Judicial Code of Conduct

I stopped my ex-husband from drinking and driving with my children during a winter storm warning. He then filed parenting time denial complaints and an investigation was launched. I was coerced by FOC into a psychological evaluation in exchange for a drug test that was already ordered by a magistrate. (which I passed no problem as I knew I would) He ordered this hair follicle drug test to be done at Holland Hospital on September 6, 2013 and results were not given to me until January 2014. The test was seemingly falsified and accepted as evidence by Judge Engle, providing no drug levels/percentages in the supposed results and my ex’s name appeared nowhere on the document.
The children’s father lives with a woman who lost custody in two separate cases of her own four children due to felony child neglect, yet my children have been required to go to their home.
Engle signed subpoenas but did not hold my ex-husband in contempt for not producing his financial records. Later it was found in court documents that Judge Engle accepted an extra $5,000 more than what he said on the record that my ex-husband paid during the court break. Judge Engle also lowered child support so my ex-husband could start his own business, which is not a reason allowable by the law. My ex-husband now only pays sporadically, if at all, after purchasing a home, remodeling it and buying new furniture.
The Judicial Code of Conduct Canon 3A.(5) says “A judge should dispose promptly of the business of the court.” I finally had a hearing, which was actually several hearings that were pushed back repeatedly combined into an excruciating day-long hearing, 13 months after my ex-husband attempted drinking and driving with the children. Even though I had evidence of child abuse, I was still given 4 days of jail time suspended for denying parenting time.
A transcript of my hearing can be found at https://thisgracefulmess.wordpress.com/2014/05/25/wait-til-you-see-what-the-ottawa-county-focs-been-up-to/ There’s so much more to my story but it’s taken quite a while to recover from the trauma of Engle threatening me with going to jail or losing my kids for years. He needs to be removed and replaced by writing in Robert Mol who will put the children first!

The State Of Michigan Has A Dirty Little Secret. It is called Child Protection Services

This is long and difficult to read in one sitting but this exactly describes the state of our Child Protective Services in Michigan and across the country. I believe that Ottawa County is one of the worst based on being put through the ringer by their family court/Friend of the Court. We need to step in and hold these horrible child abusers accountable!

They Will Be Heard

THE FIA GAME

Many citizens in our great State of Michigan are unaware of Michigan’s dirty little secret that falls under the guise of the Child Abuse and Child Welfare Protection Laws. The advertisements and literature surrounding this area seem to be doing a magnificent thing for the children of our state. We have been led to believe that the State of Michigan is saving thousands of children from severe physical abuse and neglect. This is far from the truth. The truth is that this campaign is a giant money machine fueled by abuse of power of supervisors and case service workers employed by the Michigan Department of Family Independence Agency and private agencies that have contracted with FIA that we the taxpayers are paying dearly for through our hard-earned tax dollars. Basically, it is “make work by creating a case and keep your job or contract with the state…

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A Solo Mom’s GratefulMess

When I was first divorced, I wondered how I would handle everything on my own.  I was  a stay-at-home/homeschooling mother to two boys who were only 5 and 7 years old.  I tried to stay in a marriage with an alcoholic/drug addict for as long as I could but it became so unhealthy and unsafe, we had to leave.  Over the next couple years, my whole identity would change.  We would move out of our beautiful home into a new community, they would start school, I would begin working and not seeing them as much, I started dating (!!!) and even our dog died.  We were the epitome of every sad country song!

Except for every other weekend, I do all the parenting, all the driving (The car lines…what is wrong with all the parents who cannot drive in the carlines?!), all the homework, all the doctors visits.  I’ve been working and going back to school full time all while being both mother and father with little to no break.  I want to be tender with them when I have to be tough.  I bear the brunt of their meltdowns, their fighting, their incessant burping and farting…so. much. flatulence!!!!  Some days it’s just too much and I lose it.  I think to myself, “That’s it!  This is the moment they will forever remember as the day that I’ve screwed them up for good!”

And then we wake up the next morning.  These wonderful, smart, witty boys tiptoe in my room asking if it’s safe to come in.  They snuggle in next to me and tell me how sorry they are for yesterday and bring me breakfast that is made with love but not much flavor.  Through welled up eyes, I will flush it down the toilet when they’re not looking and tell them how delicious it was.  I don’t deserve such grace from these young men who have seen and endured so much already.  And in the midst of our gracefulMess, I realize that I wouldn’t trade a thing!  My sweet, soft babies are turning into big, hairy, stinky young men.  They have compassion and smarts that are beyond their years.  And I am beyond lucky to be their mom!


Domestic Violence: The gift that keeps on giving

I’ve experienced many of the after affects that are discussed in this article during my recovery from abuse. Unfortunately, the abuse is allowed to continue through family court. Financial abuse and verbal attacks in front of my children are the norm in my case and most others. I’ve found my voice and try to fight back with truth, but the court doesn’t take kindly to parents who stand up for justice for their kids.

Please do what you can to support the women who’ve been through the shiz. I know it’s difficult to talk about and you don’t know what to say when she shares her struggles. But just a phone call can make all the difference in her broken world.

http://thinkprogress.org/health/2014/09/26/3571723/domestic-violence-long-term-effects/


Five Years Ago

It’s been a year since I started this blog. Although it’s a slow process for me right now, the message of domestic violence must be told. Many women, just like I, are not not protected (especially by those with the power to do so) This is my story. I hope by starting the story, I can help. If you find yourself in a similar situation, please reach out to me and I will help you the best I can.

gracefulmess

It was five years ago right now…my soon-to-be ex-husband was being removed from our home by the police.  My two boys, then 4 and 7, were running around, literally in circles, and then were frantically trying to pick up their toys and make the house look nice, “so daddy will come back and see what good boys we are!”  The worst day of our lives.  My babies heard everything that happened in my bedroom that day, despite my pleas for them to go in the office and lock the door.  When I got away from him, I grabbed my phone and saw those two precious faces, standing just outside the door, hand-in-hand in the hallway, eyes wider than I’d ever seen them.  I grabbed them and we locked ourselves in the office until the police officer came.

Before selfies were cool.  I took this one while the police officer was talking to my husband.  Before selfies were cool. I took this one while the police officer was…

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Seasonal Depression…

gracefulmess

Seasonal Depression...

You call it seasonal depression. I’ll call it winter sucking the life out of me by giving me hairy, scruffy, scaly legs like a crocodile; chilled-to-the-bone achy joints; a red, splotchy, flaking, scabious face that hurts just to go outside to my car; and feet that cannot maintain a pedicure and cuts through my socks and slices the carpet like a box cutter! OK…maybe the hairy part is on me. :o/

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Stronger…kinda

Stronger…kinda

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to get my thoughts together here. And for those who’ve prayed for us, I will write about our hearing soon. It’s been a couple of weeks of just trying to heal from the fear of possible jail time. Each time I go back to court, you’d think it would get easier. It doesn’t. I should have some kind of honorary law degree by now. Maybe another girl scout badge at the very least!

I’m beginning to resurface and in many ways, I feel like a completely new person. I’ve allowed myself to dream again and to look at a completely different path for us. There are a few dreams that I should know better than to allow myself to have right now. And for that, I will try not to beat myself up for right now. We’ll focus on the One who has brought us this far! I’m now strong enough to run again…well, we’ll use that term loosely as I still struggle with the sludge-in-my-veins anemia issue. But I’m moving forward and getting artsy again. I think we just might be seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. And this…this makes me smile!