When I was first divorced, I wondered how I would handle everything on my own. I was a stay-at-home/homeschooling mother to two boys who were only 5 and 7 years old. I tried to stay in a marriage with an alcoholic/drug addict for as long as I could but it became so unhealthy and unsafe, we had to leave. Over the next couple years, my whole identity would change. We would move out of our beautiful home into a new community, they would start school, I would begin working and not seeing them as much, I started dating (!!!) and even our dog died. We were the epitome of every sad country song!
Except for every other weekend, I do all the parenting, all the driving (The car lines…what is wrong with all the parents who cannot drive in the carlines?!), all the homework, all the doctors visits. I’ve been working and going back to school full time all while being both mother and father with little to no break. I want to be tender with them when I have to be tough. I bear the brunt of their meltdowns, their fighting, their incessant burping and farting…so. much. flatulence!!!! Some days it’s just too much and I lose it. I think to myself, “That’s it! This is the moment they will forever remember as the day that I’ve screwed them up for good!”
And then we wake up the next morning. These wonderful, smart, witty boys tiptoe in my room asking if it’s safe to come in. They snuggle in next to me and tell me how sorry they are for yesterday and bring me breakfast that is made with love but not much flavor. Through welled up eyes, I will flush it down the toilet when they’re not looking and tell them how delicious it was. I don’t deserve such grace from these young men who have seen and endured so much already. And in the midst of our gracefulMess, I realize that I wouldn’t trade a thing! My sweet, soft babies are turning into big, hairy, stinky young men. They have compassion and smarts that are beyond their years. And I am beyond lucky to be their mom!
I’ve experienced many of the after affects that are discussed in this article during my recovery from abuse. Unfortunately, the abuse is allowed to continue through family court. Financial abuse and verbal attacks in front of my children are the norm in my case and most others. I’ve found my voice and try to fight back with truth, but the court doesn’t take kindly to parents who stand up for justice for their kids.
Please do what you can to support the women who’ve been through the shiz. I know it’s difficult to talk about and you don’t know what to say when she shares her struggles. But just a phone call can make all the difference in her broken world.
As a woman, I’m all for equal rights and especially equal pay for equal work. I’m also all for any girl becoming anything she wants outside of traditional roles – if it’s something she’s good at. But I’m also all for embracing traditional gender roles if you so choose. Finding a chivalrous man in the current dating cesspool is extremely sexy to me and sure to get you a second date.
I have winced on many occasions at some of the feminist posts and videos. It leaves me wondering what it must feel like as a guy to hear such things. My boys are learning to open doors for their mom and others, giving their seat to an older person while in waiting rooms, schlep heavy groceries, move furniture, and even on special occasions help mom with her coat. Call me old fashioned but I want to raise respectful and chivalrous men. So does this mom…
Since September, retailers have been screaming about Black Friday deals. For the love of Pete! You can’t have Black FRIDAY deals on a TUESDAY! For the avid shopper, Black Friday is a sacred day. It’s the day set aside for working off your Thanksgiving stuffing and pie in the form of competitive shopping, grabbing all the deals you can. Girlfriends, mothers, daughters and sisters all across America unite with one purpose…knock off the Christmas shopping list as cheaply as possible. Because nothing says “I love you” like unwrapping a Snuggie from your significant other for $9.99!
I was told long ago that this was the day that retailers finally went into the black on their ledgers, but come to find out, that’s. not. even. true. Turns out there’s a whole lotta history regarding this day that really had nothing to do with shopping.
I remember the first time I got up early for a Black Friday deal. Early bird shopping was a new concept and we couldn’t believe retailers would be open at 6 am! I went in for a Nintendo 64 for some dear friends who were like family to me who were out of town for Thanksgiving. It was a whopping 4 degrees and the moon was bright and full at 5 am when I arrived. There were a handful of cars and we were all smart enough to remain there until one dumbarse drove up and casually walked to the door to start a line. This unleashed a frenzied race to the door as one little lady slipped on the ice. We helped her up because we had manners back then! When the doors opened, I swore I heard the voices of a thousand angels as I sprinted to the back of the store and was first to arrive at the Nintendo camp. The lady in the red polo handed me the system and the free game that was my prize for triumph over the arctic air. However, I discovered it was one of those bloody, violent games that today would have trouble receiving a “Rated M for Mature” rating. When I politely asked for the more kid appropriate game of Wave Runner, my request was met with, “YOU GET WHAT YOU GET!” First thing. 6 am. Really lady? I cannot feel my toes and I think most of my eyelashes cracked off somewhere around 5:42 but I went from icy to boiling hot in 2.7 seconds. The mob of a few hundred people behind me started to rumble as I stood my ground for the Wave Runner game. I informed Miss Rosy Polo that I would not be leaving my place in line until I received the game I came for and could I speak to the manager please. The throngs of moms in the line rallied with me as we all wanted our choice of free game as well. It was a sisterhood, really. We were there for the common good of the above average shopper and we would not be beaten down by the Bullseye! It only took about 2 minutes to see the crapitude in her eyes turn to fear as the stench of morning/turkey/coffee breath laced with vexation became overwhelming. I got that Wave Runner game and my Pseudo kids would have their Nintendo Santa dreams fulfilled! Nailed it!
Now we have retailers opening their doors on Thanksgiving to get the first dollars. Here’s a thought for you CEO’s of big box stores…we’re still likely gonna spend the money on your deals no matter when you open your doors! No need to work your high school and college students round the clock and make their mommas cry while you down your fourth slice of pumpkin pie and roasting your chestnuts by the fire. Ok. So I don’t know that’s what you’re really doing but this is my blog. Write your own if you want to dispel my myth. Please have some compassion on the people who make the sales happen and let them stay home and be thankful. Retail is exhausting enough during the Christmas season.
Now we have people waiting in line for weeks to get one of four 22″ stereo TV’s at Best Buy. Fists are thrown and knives are wielded over parking spots. People are trampled to death! To DEATH! You know where people don’t get trampled? In my bed. Under my covers. While I watch Hoda and Kathie Lee in my leftover tryptophan coma, I slowly roll over and fire up my MacBook Pro and peruse the throngs of emails of Black Friday deals. Meh. Cyber Monday is a comin’. I think I’ll contemplate my much more relaxing Small Business Saturday shopping while I have a slice of leftover pie for breakfast. Besides, I hear there’s another Black Friday sale coming on Tuesday.