Tag Archives: domestic abuse

Motive for family court systems

Motive for family court systems

If the Friend if the Court can stir up enough dissension in an already broken family, they use it as an excuse to take the children away. And with the only law being “the best interest of the children” that leaves a lot open for interpretation….and virtually nobody overseeing what’s going on in the courtrooms and behind the scenes. Click on the link above to see how it works.

pinterMess gracefulMess

pinterMess gracefulMess What I wouldn’t give for a pedi! Making the best of my low budget, I tried my listerine/vinegar DIY pedi. And while my feet feel soft as a baby’s bottom and smell minty fresh, I had a little trouble with the painting of the toes. You’d think as an artist, I wouldn’t make such a pinterMess!

Wait til you see what the Ottawa County FOC’s been up to…

I am entering, yet again, into another court date on June the 9th.  I have said since last fall that the FOC is going to push this out until the summer and then throw me in jail so that they can justify it without taking my kids out of school.  Guess what June 9 is… Yup!  My kids’ last day of school.  We have more false claims of denial by my ex-husband, who has not paid a dime of support since the last hearing and the FOC has chosen to come after me for not paying $100 for the drug test they helped him fake with no documentation or receipts. (It was paid last week – and I recorded the t  He is approximately $14,000 behind in support but they lowered and backdated his support obligations based not on facts or laws but on the numbers my ex has provided them with.  They have swept $6000 of back childcare under the rug and flat out ignored my receipts for the last two years.  I have filed the motions they’ve said to file, and listened to their lies, watch them change their “policies” with no written documentation, paid for “mediators” who turn out to be FOC lawyers going to bat for Father’s Rights Groups and have come to the conclusion that this is just the FOC allowing my ex-husband to continue his domestic abuse through their system.

They are also holding me in contempt of court for another denial of parenting time – 45 minutes! When my ex-husband refused to get out of the car and show me he was sober…which is his court order to prove sobriety before and during his parenting time.

This last round began in Winter 2013 when I stopped my ex from drinking and driving with my children.  Instead of being applauded for stopping child abuse (see links below), I have been berated, yelled at by an FOC “parent coordinator”, coerced into a voluntary psychological evaluation which I passed with flying colors (a favorite tactic of the Father’s Rights groups) and harassed repeatedly.

Click to access DUI_Child_Endangerment_Overview.pdf


I am now posting the transcripts of my hearing that was sent to me by the court transcriptionist to back my claims and make them public.  These are a matter of public record and anyone can obtain a transcript of these hearings.  I’m posting them unaltered because I believe that as tax-payers, you should be aware of what is going on and because I need your support.  I am only one mom, who refuses to be abused and intimidated any longer.  This has gone on for almost five and a half years and I’m tired of the games and lies.  This is my life and the lives of my children they are playing with.  Over this next week, I’ll be posting my documentation so that you can see for yourselves what my children and I have endured.

I am posting a screenshot of my email inbox showing the attached transcripts and how many MB the document is so you can see the only alteration I have made are to remove any personal addresses – for the safety of my family and my ex-husband. And then I’m attaching the actual document of the transcripts that were sent to me. It’s a long read as we were there all day covering 5 different motions.  (they pushed back all of my motions with denials of rulings and postponements.)

This hearing was actually 5 hearings in one. The court refused to rule on January 13, 2014 regarding my ex-husband not taking his drug test as ordered on September 6, 2013 and for not paying child support.  I begged the judge for a ruling on the child support as he hadn’t paid anything since October and I didn’t know what we would do for another 2 months with no money.  His response to me was, “If I ruled today, I would have to put him in jail.  Is that what you want?!”  My response back was, “No.  I just need him to pay his support.”

Please pm me with your thoughts and if you’re able to support us in this fight.

Click here for transcripts fischerf3.14


gracefulMess Community College

gracefulMess Community College

Today was my first day back to school…again. I was absolutely giddy! It was a gorgeous summer day, our first after the long, dark-night-of-the-soul, polar vortex, never-ending winter of doom and it felt so good! Not just the warmth on my face but on my soul. To be taking control of my future again, albeit on shaky ground and on blind faith, after getting waylaid by health issues and a broken heart two years ago, gave me a new hope that I haven’t felt in a long time. Although I may still go to jail next month (thanks to the court jesters and my ex-husband), I’m stepping towards a bright and sunny new future with less stress and more art. Bring on some more gracefulMess!

Forgive Yourself

Forgive Yourself

Show grace for yourself if you’re moving through gracefulMess. More importantly, show grace for others, knowing that they may be moving through their own gracefulMess that you know nothing about.

Raising Compassionate Kids

I have such sweet and compassionate boys!  Last night, my 10 year old and I were home while my 12 year old was at youth group.  He was supposed to be working on his “Walter Chrysler” project as I was filling out FAFSA forms online for going back to school.  I kid you not, he was sharing a new fact like every 30 seconds.  My attention span is that of a gnat these days.  (You thought pregnancy brain was bad – try single-mom brain!)  I started getting a little irritated after about 15 minutes of this and snapped at him to pipe down and work on his project quietly.  Out came the lippy and big crocodile tears.  I immediately felt terrible.  He gets so excited when he learns new things and these are the moments I love most about motherhood.  He just wanted to connect with his mom because he was finding out all sorts of new things that I just had to know, too.  So I stepped away from my computer and pulled him on my lap and let him show me what he had done so far.  Five minutes.  That’s all he wanted.  Five. Flippin’. Minutes.

As I was trying to fall asleep, I kept racking my brain as to why it was so hard for me to give up those five minutes.  I gave myself a little bit of grace as I recounted all that happened in my day.  I work next to a person who has a running commentary of every negative thing that happens in her day.  It is almost constant.  Things like a number put in the wrong cell on a spreadsheet are animatedly narrated as, “Look at this!  Can you believe how STUPID people are?!  It’s supposed to be in this column and they put it HERE!  UGH!”  And heaven forbid someone come to our facility when they are looking to deliver something to one of our other four facilities in the same square mile.  Not only do we hear the conversation first-hand, we get to hear it retold at 95 decibels about how stupid they were to not read a map.  This affects the entire atmosphere for everyone as there is nowhere to run!  I literally put in earplugs yesterday (hidden by my hair so I didn’t get in trouble) so that I could drown it out and concentrate to get my month-end work done.  And an added bonus to my workplace is that almost every single person would’ve been fired at any other company for sexual harassment or their foul language.  This really plays a huge role in attitude that spills over into the rest of my life.

On the way home, I received a call from the Friend of the Court.  At this point I’m not even trying to be friendly with them.  I’m calling them out on every single lie that they tell and they hate my guts.  I kinda lost my cool when I asked Jason, who answered the phone, to verify that my fax had gone through.  He told me it was their policy that they don’t do that.  I questioned why and it was because it’s on the other side of the office but they have a high-tech fax that will send you a receipt if it went through.  Explaining that I did not receive one but it was critical that they receive this additional information so that I DON’T GO TO JAIL, he still explained this policy again.  Then my case-worker called with a bunch more BS that I called HIM out on.  So by the time I got home, I was a little raw to say the least.

I’m making some big changes as this current life is just not working for us.  Am I the mom I want to be?  Nope!  My choice to not finish school when I was young has landed me a low-paying job that isn’t ideal for how I’m wired.  While explaining some of this to my baby this morning, I apologized again for snapping at him last night. Things will get better soon hopefully.  He burst into tears.  He could see how hard my life is and felt bad for me because he knows “how bad you just want to be home with us.” This breaks my heart but I’m so proud of both of them for being able to see outside of themselves and feel for others. God has given me a couple amazing boys!  I’m one lucky momma!

The Unniversary

The Unniversary

It was my unniversary today and the first year I didn’t beat myself up over not seeing warning signs as a starry-eyed young woman with hopes and dreams of a long lifetime together filled with love and happiness. It is what it is and I cannot change the past. And I hope that part of this girl returns someday and can believe in those things again. Only this time with a little more wisdom under her garter.

Banana Bread and BS


I loved being home with my boys.  Being an “opt-out mom” and homeschool them for the short time I did was such a gift!  To see the little lightbulbs come on above their heads when learning something new brought so much joy to my soul.  But the time for watching them discover who they are over home-baked banana bread and hot chocolate from scratch is over.  I still get some of these wonderful moments.  It’s just in smaller increments now.

The last week they’ve been away for spring break and with their dad this weekend.  It took this entire week of doing nothing to start to peel off the layers of BS placed on me by my ex and the FOC.  I feel something new on the horizon, like another rebirth of my life, yet again.  That underlying excitement of something good to come, the fear of the change and how I will make it all work out best for the boys, the discomfort and pain of having to do without and struggle as I work through work and exams.  I cannot afford to continue working where I work, nor the BS that comes with it.  It is not good for my heart, nor my wallet.  I’m re-registering for school and am being much more aggressive with the schedule so I can finish and support the boys on my own.  I clearly cannot count on their father to do his part, nor the court to enforce his parental obligations.  And so I adjust once again.

In anticipation of them coming home, I’ve been weeding through their room and mine, purging junk and cleaning.  They have fresh sheets, fresh stuffed animals to snuggle and next week, we will paint the furniture together and make room for my youngest’s new turtle.  It’s taken longer than I’ve anticipated.  It’s like I have to shovel off the BS before I can get to anything meaningful these days.  I have banana bread in the oven and the house smells amazing, bringing me back to those days of chubby little hands learning to write their letters.  I can almost hear their, “Mommy, what if…?” and “Mommy, how’s that…?”  I miss those little guys about as much as I cherish the young men they are becoming.

Wading through the trials of abuse and divorce doesn’t have to change you completely.  It has changed my circumstances but not the core of who I am.  I was determined to hold onto the good parts of me while sloughing off the jagged edges left by someone who was too damaged to live his life sober.  The fact that we’ve made it this far is only by the grace of God!  So for today, I’ll enjoy both the banana bread and the BS as we head towards an even better life.

Time for some outside help…

Please pray for me again tomorrow. I’m hopefully getting some help with a new lawyer. My parents have offered some help and I will drain my 401K if it means keeping the boys and I together and safe!

I will be posting the details from my court case, especially the events of the last year.  These are public files and anyone has access through the Freedom of Information Act.  I think it’s important to shed light on exactly what happens when you use Friend of the Court. Since the divorce rate is over 50% now, it’s important to understand that you are just a number, they don’t care about the details of your life or who’s playing by the rules, and it’s a BIG business!

Recovering from Court

It has been a very difficult few days. Reliving the abuse by questioning my ex-husband on the stand regarding the abuse to get it on record was so difficult. Watching him blatantly lie on the stand and have people watch it and do nothing – almost cheering him on – is a very helpless feeling. It usually takes a day or two to recover but I am still physically drained. I was so fortunate to have the love and support that I had with me – about a dozen people came with me and many more were there in spirit. Thank you to everyone who helped us get through this day! Please continue to pray for the boys and for me. It feels like this will never, ever end.