I’ve experienced many of the after affects that are discussed in this article during my recovery from abuse. Unfortunately, the abuse is allowed to continue through family court. Financial abuse and verbal attacks in front of my children are the norm in my case and most others. I’ve found my voice and try to fight back with truth, but the court doesn’t take kindly to parents who stand up for justice for their kids.
Please do what you can to support the women who’ve been through the shiz. I know it’s difficult to talk about and you don’t know what to say when she shares her struggles. But just a phone call can make all the difference in her broken world.
There are some days that are more difficult than others. For some reason, I woke up today and the burdens of my world felt so much heavier than normal. And I read this and saw someone’s “Me too!” There is this mentality towards single parents sometimes of “you made your bed, now lie in it.” Not by everyone but a lot. Life is hard for everyone but the lonliness on top of the burdens of life can really wear on a girl. I hope you are as encouraged by this as I was. Go hug a single parent today!
This morning, I attempted to start my day centered. As I pried myself from my warm and toasty sack, I was determined to not let stress take over. Turn on the news…Nope! Turn off the news. Ebola freakings are not centering. Ahhhh. Alarm for 5 minute warning of Hooligan’s bus…not centering. Out! Out! Out! Love you, bye! One kid sent out the door. Ahhhh. Lay down for a few minutes before rousing Shenanigan and his morning litany of scientific questions fired at me at the same rate as rounds from an ouzie. I love that he thinks I know the answers to all of these things and I’m sure one day he may be peeved when he finds out most of my answers are made up. Not staying centered. Breathe in. Breathe out. I shall do yoga as soon as he leaves! This will cause some major centering. Wait. Why isn’t he up yet? Is he still too sick that he will be here all day long uncentering me? Get up, Shenanigan. GET UP, Shenanigan. GET UP!!!! Good. He looks fine. Here. Have some zija, let me douse you with essential oils, here’s your shakeology protein shake (please don’t tell him I threw a handful of spinach in there! He can’t tell if he doesn’t see it going in the vitamix!) That oughta do it. 5 minute bus warning alarm…5 minutes to centering. Oh wait. He forgot the <whydidntyoupackitlastnight> book upstairs and the <whocaresgetonthebus> item he wants to share with the teacher…there goes the bus. And…carline. Definitely losing control of this centered morning plan of mine. <heavy sigh>
When I get home, I will gather the growing laundry summit and take it to the laundromat. Dumb washer not washing anyway. Then I’ll get centered. <waittilafterschoolsoyouhavemorehandstoschelplaundry> I’ll diffuse some frankincense to help me get centered. Crap. My new diffuser is not diffusing. Still have the box. Let’s get this wrapped up and ready to send back. Put frankinsense on my wrists and inhale. <thisfrankinsenseworkedforbabyJesusitwillworkformetoo> Almost time to get centered. Find free yoga site. Yes. I’ll take the 19 minute 52 second version today as my tookus still hurts from my first <again> run Saturday. Ahhhh. Namaste. Reaching up, breathe in. Hands to prayer, exhale out. <whatisnamasteanyway> Pause. Look up namaste.
<whatisnamaskar> Look up namaskar.
Indian? <ihateindia> Am I doing some crazy Indian ritual and unknowingly praying to Indian gods like a church lady told me 10 years ago? Am I hurting God’s feelings doing yoga? Maybe I should get centered another way. <iknewsomeonewhowenttoindiaandhewentofftherails> See? Yoga is Indian and India is bad! I should go back to bed. <itprobablywasntindiasfault> The Indian people ARE really cute in their Kurtas and Saris. They probably aren’t all bad. And I know the God I pray to and He centers me. <maybethatswhoyoushouldfocuson> Play. Namaste. Inhale in. Exhale out. I’ll get to my art history paper after this plank…kerplunk. <planksaredumb> And then 3 online quizzes after paper. Warrior Pose. <illmakethosequizzesmybeeotch> Is it time for baby pose yet? Inhale in. Exhale out. Corpse pose. <irockthispose> One more time. Inhale in. Exhale out. Namaste. Namaste beeotch! Centered…ish.
Recently, I reconnected with someone from many years ago who was a very significant part of my life. We reminisced and talked for hours upon hours about the dreams and experiences we had back then. It was so devastating to lose this person that I moved across the country to run away from the pain and try to live a different life. I was scared and made decisions based on what other people expected of me, probably missing out on what my life should’ve been.
Fast forward 24 years and I did the SAME. EXACT. THING…minus the 3000 mile physical journey. I was anxious and scared and bolted because I could only see what was best for everyone else. And again, I question whether I will miss out, yet again, on what my life could really be. I’m left with the knowledge of how I hurt people by giving in to my fears and that is a horrible, gut-wrenching feeling!
I somehow thought I had picked up my anxiety issues through the process of my divorce. But this recent experience has shown me that I’ve always had it, maybe not to the extreme it has become at times for me now. I recognize it quicker than before and am learning how to work through each situation that comes my way, hopefully more efficiently than in the past. I’m trying to embrace these fears, kick them right in the cajones and move in the direction of who I was meant to be. Easier said than done…
We’re only about a half hour on our way home on a 1 hour 45 minute trip and had to stop AGAIN! Those of you who know me, know that we don’t stop once we’re in the car. Do not drink anything because you will not be able to pee until we have to gas up! At first I thought the bikes were falling.
And then…a daddy long legs came down from the sunroof…right.next.to.me!
Mommy (shrieking): “GET THE SPIDER BOYS! GET THE SPIDER BOYS! GET THE SPIDER BOYS!”
Hooligan (in his best girl scream): “NOOOOO!”
Shenanigan (arms outstretched): “I will! But I can’t reach!”
Mommy (on the verge of tears): “GET! OUT! OF! YOUR! SEATBELT! NOW!”
Shenanigan: “But you won’t let me!”
Mommy (wailing): “NOOOOWWWWW!!!!”
Shenanigan: “Oops! I didn’t get him. He fell. I think in your purse.”
Mommy pulls the car over running from the car arms flailing (ok, maybe exaggerating here): “Find it!”
Shenanigan: “I’m pretty sure he’s between the seats.”
Mommy (regaining her composure): “Did you at least maim him?!”
Mommy (losing her $#!+ again): Maim! Not name!”
Shenanigan: “I think I got at least 2 of his legs.”
He’s! Still! In! Here!
(And pissed because he only has 6 legs!)
Bikes attached with minimal cussing…for the minimal time they were ridden this week. We’ve been at my bestie’s for five days redecorating her daughter’s room with six kids between us and not one glass of sangria! Not so calm and a little carrying on.
What a beautiful message for all of us in our gracefulMesses!